Some people search their whole lives for “The One.” And they’re constantly asking, “will I ever find love?” Here are a few things to remember during your search.
Single life can be rough.
Playing the field and enjoying your independence can be lots of fun, but the pressure to find someone to live happily ever after with is always looming. Especially in the age of social media, where we’re constantly bombarded with images of loved-up couples. Eventually, you end up comparing yourself to them. You might start to ask yourself “will I ever find love?”
If that’s where you are right now, don’t worry. Here are a few important points to remember when being single is getting you down:
1. It will happen when the time is right.
It sounds cliche, but things will come together when they’re supposed to. Lots of people who find their perfect partner say that they came along when they least expected it. While putting yourself out there by creating online dating profiles and going to new places is great, you don’t have to worry about trying too hard. Try not to put too much pressure on finding a relationship. Just trust that it will happen.
2. It’s never too late.
There is a lot of societal pressure to get settled down in your 20’s and 30’s. We have this idea that if we haven’t found someone by a certain time, that we’re past our “peak” and are doomed to be alone. That often leaves people looking around at their coupled-up friends and family members thinking “will I ever find love?” It’s a notion that many find depressing.
In reality, it’s never too late to find love. There are plenty of real-life love stories to prove that. No matter how old you are, you always have a chance of finding the perfect partner.
3. “The one” is rarely the first.
This is another fairy tale that we’re sold. While plenty of people do end up living happily ever after with their high school sweethearts, they’re in the minority. On average, 60% of couples who get married or move in together at just 18 end up breaking up. Being a good partner takes practice, and for some people, that means having lots of failed relationships before finding the perfect match. For some, that could even mean several marriages.
Don’t be disheartened by failure. Think of it as a learning experience that’s preparing you for the right person. During a difficult breakup, you might ask yourself “will I ever find love again?” But later, you’ll look back and realize how dramatic that is. Mend your heart and move on, and you’ll be better prepared for the next relationship.
4. Love won’t fix all your problems.
Is love really what you’re looking for, or are you yearning for something to fill a void elsewhere in your life? If you’re drawing unhappiness from your career, a perceived lack of success, or poor relationships with your family, a partner won’t magically make those problems go away. Love isn’t a quick fix.
While falling in love can make you feel like nothing else in the world matters, that ‘honeymoon period’ only lasts so long, and eventually, the cracks elsewhere in your life will start to show. You can’t rely on a partner to fix everything for you. Keep in mind that you need to take ownership of your own success and happiness. Don’t expect them to be responsible for it. That line of thinking can also make people feel resentful of their spouses when things start to go wrong in their own lives.
5. Don’t lose sight of yourself.
If you’re fully invested in trying to find that special someone, you might forget about other areas of your life. You still need to invest time in the things that make you happy. Whether that’s your career, friendships, hobbies, or just time alone, make sure you continue to enjoy those things.
You can’t pour from an empty cup. If you spend so much energy trying to please other people that you neglect yourself, you will have very little to offer. Take care of yourself first, and you’ll be ready for a relationship with someone else.
Don’t spend all your time trawling bars in the hopes of finding someone. Statistics show that only 9% of men find relationships that way. Instead, keep doing the things you enjoy. If you love going to the gym, you’re far more likely to find a like-minded potential partner there.
6. You don’t have to be perfect.
The question of “will I ever find love?” can make it all too easy to fall into the trap of trying to change yourself to fit other people’s expectations. This is especially the case when you’ve experienced rejection after rejection. After a long stint without any success, you might eventually start to think that you have to fit into some kind of mould of the “ideal man.” This isn’t the case. While the ‘fake it ’til you make it’ mantra may apply to some parts of life, it rarely does to love. In fact, if you build a relationship based on lies, it will inevitably come crashing down sooner or later.
That’s not to say that it’s not worth making some improvements here and there. If you think that you could be a little more attentive, work a little less, or work out a little more, go ahead and do that.
7. Don’t settle for anything less.
The anxiety over finding a good relationship and holding onto it can sometimes encourage people to stay with someone who isn’t right for them. You don’t have to rush into a relationship with the first person who takes an interest. Take your time to find someone who you’re truly compatible with. After all, it’s better to be single than to be perpetually unhappy in a relationship that isn’t fulfilling to you.