Boston Marriage Counseling Therapy
Whether your marriage is in crisis, or you just want to protect a good thing, the following counseling technique could save your marriage.
Call us to schedule a session: 617-395-5806
What if you woke up tomorrow and a miracle had occurred overnight?
What if, while you were sleeping, the problems that have been bothering you and your spouse were gone? Money conflicts. Parenting challenges. In-law issues. Communication problems. Even infidelity. What if everything was resolved? Take a few seconds and think about it.
- What would your life be like?
- Where would you and your spouse both be when you woke up?
- How would you feel toward your spouse?
- How would your spouse feel toward you?
- What would be the first thing you would do?
It's an interesting question, isn't it? It's called, "The Miracle Question" and therapists often use it to help new marriage counseling clients, like you, determine what they really want (and need) to change in their life and marriage.
Do your answers to the miracle question seem impossible for you and your marriage? You are not alone. Many people feel the same—that their marriage is beyond repair or that their dream relationship is not achievable. Without hope for their future relationship, 867,000 couples divorce each year in the United States.
The marriage counselors at Thrive Boston have found (after helping literally thousands of couples improve their relationships and marriages) that once couples identify the core and specific problems in their marital relationship and also identify what they want their marriage to be, it is often very possible to draw a line between where they are right now and where they want to be.
Many of our clients have found that change in their marriage is more within reach than they ever thought possible.
Marriage Counselors at Thrive Boston
The marriage counselors at Thrive Boston are true leaders in the mental health field. Marriage counselors from our team have been featured in professional and national publications including the following:
More importantly, the team at Thrive Boston is caring, experienced, and available to help you and your spouse make lasting improvements to your marriage.
It is no secret that today nearly 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. Add to this the number of couples who find themselves in emotional divorce. With emotional divorce, you and your partner are still together technically but emotionally you are separated.
Unsurprisingly, marriages face staggering challenges. Consider the following:
- Communication Problems
- Unresolved or Destructive Arguments
- Parenting Conflicts and Challenges
- Painful Pasts (from before the marriage)
- Adultery / Infidelity
- Overburdened Schedules/Consistent High Stress
- Uncertainty About the Marriage's Future...
These are just a few issues that can cause serious marital problems.
Marriage Counseling Exercise
World-renowned author and marriage researcher Dr. John Gottman has developed a simple, but effective, practice known as "Love Banking." When practiced, love banking is one of many exercises that can help couples, regardless of their marital problems, build trust and positive energy within their relationship.
This is how it works: Think about your relationship with your spouse as a bank account. That account can either have sufficient funds or it could be overdrawn. Every interaction you have with your spouse is either a deposit or a withdrawal.
Couples experiencing relational challenges make a lot of withdrawals. A withdrawal is any conflict, request, demand, or criticism between you and your spouse. For example, if you say,
- "Please turn off the garage light."
- "Wait one second, I'll be there in a minute."
- "You always forget to hang up your towel."
These sound like simple statements, but they are withdrawals. And these examples do not even include the arguments, insults, lies, affairs, and serious problems marriages too often experience.
Without deposits, withdrawals mean the same thing for your marriage account as they do for your bank account. It becomes quickly depleted.
When people’s financial bank account is empty, they bounce checks. When people’s emotional bank account is empty, they may feel angry, lonely, dreadful. Being around their spouse is more difficult than being alone.
Here is the cure to a depleted emotional bank account: Dr. Gottman's research reveals that healthy relationships (i.e., they are not overdrawn) need to have 5 deposits for every 1 withdrawal. That is right—the ratio is 5-to-1. It can be tough to make that ratio, especially if you and your spouse have not been getting along, but it works.
A deposit is made anytime love or caring is communicated among spouses. There are 5 ways to make a deposit:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation
This love style uses words to build up another person. With people who have this love style, even the smallest affirmation or encouragement goes a long way. Whether spoken or written, the goal is to affirm the other person.
This love style involves tokens of appreciation. Gifts (even inexpensive ones) tell people that they are important and loved. It is not materialistic or selfish. Sometimes, positive thoughts about a loved one are best communicated in a gift, a tangible reminder of being loved.
Acts of Serivce
This love style involves one person doing things that another person will appreciate, even small acts. Asking what can be done to help a spouse or child, and then responding to small requests, is a great way to begin loving through acts of service.
Going to breakfast, sitting on the couch together, having a conversation, and taking a walk; this love style is about giving undivided attention to another person. The activity that takes place during the quality time is really unimportant—focusing on the other person is what counts.
An embrace, a kiss, holding hands, and a hand on the shoulder are all expressions of love. Physical touch is about tender, caring human contact. Both young and old, people benefit emotionally from loving, physical touch.
Couples can learn what ways each partner best receives love and overdose each other with that kind of deposit.
The key is to ensure the marriage has 5 deposits for every one withdrawal. Every couple who comes to Thrive Boston for marriage counseling learns this formula, and our therapists help them practice and perfect this exercise.
Your First Marriage Counseling Session Within 24 Hours
Are you ready to make proactive changes within your marriage? Is it time to explore new ways to connect and communicate?
We want you to find the help and healing your marriage needs. At Thrive Boston, we have a No Waiting List Policy for marital counseling. The way we see it, if you are ready to begin a marriage counseling process, then we are ready to get you and your spouse an appointment ASAP.
We are now accepting most major insurance plans.
Call us at 617-395-5806 to schedule your first appointment.