Boston Counseling and Psychotherapy

Suffering: Counseling Information for Coping with and Overcoming the Consequences of Pain, Loss, or Failure

October 20, 2008 – 4:54 pm

PORTRAITS

 

Lucy just couldn’t get though the pain that began when her youngest child was killed in a car accident.  She could barely function with her other children or husband because her suffering was so intense. 

 

Jill and Bobby recent lost everything in a hurricane.  Their house was demolished on the only things them have now are the clothes on their backs, some old photographs and books, and two beds at a local shelter. 

 

DEFINITIONS & KEY TERMS

 

Suffering can occur for many reasons.  It may be the result of a personal failure, the loss of a friendship through gossip or hurtful words, or a financial situation resulting from an inability to carefully budget money.  It can also be due to another person’s failure (i.e., a drunk driver) or forces that are outside of an individual’s control (i.e., natural disaster).  Whatever the cause may be, suffering is a part of life that produces character and is common to all people.  Suffering is, however, much easier to cope with in situation when it is purposeful and when its end is in sight.

 

ACTION STEPS

 

If an individual is suffering for the consequences of a personal failure, they may also be dealing with shame and guilt.  In this situation it is important for the individual to confess their wrongdoing, to think about the lessons they have learned from it, and to come up with their own plan to more forward.

 

If an individual is suffering due to the failure of another, it is important for them to have someone to listen to their story and to help in guiding them through their pain. 

 

If an individual is suffering due to circumstances that are beyond their control, it is important for them to take small steps in handling the situation.  To take the situation on in one big chunk is way too much for anyone to handle, but in steps they will be able to get though it.

 

No matter what the cause, suffering can do three very valuable things to an individual’s life if permitted to:

 

1. It can clarify what an individual truly cares about- especially when pain is unabated and inexplicable. 
2. It can deepen an individual’s discontent with the wrongdoings of the world.
3. It can motivate an individual to do good things.  It can also give rise to tenderness and solace.

 

The following are a few more action steps for those who wish to put an end to their suffering:

 

1. Have trust and seek lessons.  Trust that good can and will come out of your suffering.  Think about what you can learn from your situation.
2. Take small steps forward.  Think about what you can do each day to work through your pain and rebuild your life.  Consider what you must do in order to function again.
3. Get support.   Join a support group of individuals who have faced similar pain.  They can provide you with support, encouragement, advice, help you to get through your pain, follow up with you, and help you to develop some of the plans you need to move forward with your life.